Blogosaurus Vex

It is now December, and Christmas Madness can officially begin!  Today’s Christmas madness will be the clearing of a space for Mr Castlegar and his subsequent assembling.  He’ll go in the corner where the chair no one sits in currently resides (the chair will be relegated to the office, also known as the room that tidiness forgot).  I bought eggnog and Husband is bringing home some rum, so it should be good times around here by about 8pm when we soddenly try to put together our tree.  I will of course put on the Christmas music and perhaps take some pictures of the madness for your enjoyment.  I might even be lucky enough to score a snap of Husband giving me his “Jesus you’re crazy” face when I start mooning over the tree.

Tomorrow we’re having a few family members over for the official tree decorating party.  I already have some spaghetti sauce on the stove simmering, and salad stuff in the fridge.  I’m in classes tomorrow but after I get home it should be a snap to get dinner on the table for the 7 or 8 people we’ll be feeding.  After dinner we’ll pull out all my ornaments, most of which are new, and attack Mr Castlegar with them.  I need to get some emotional stuff into those ornaments, you know?  They don’t have any tradition associated with them because they’re brand new, but I hope to kick start that process with a group decorating event.

I still don’t have a tree topper though.  Might be a wired octopus again this year.  I also don’t have much in the way of household decorations.  I got a couple of Christmas themes dish towels and a hand towel for the bathroom, but I have a huge bare mantel with nothing on it, and no wreath for the door.  Must get a wreath!

Posted in Domesticity | No Comments »

Today I went to my gramma’s house.  She was not there, of course, because she died some years ago.  I haven’t been there since.  It was kind of creepy because the house is exactly the way I remember it – grampa hasn’t changed a thing.  He even left up the photo montage of the kangaroo surfing, and framed pictures of monkeys doing various household tasks like ironing and sweeping (I loved her, but not because she had great taste).

Anyway, my gramma was hugely into Christmas and I thought, maybe I could go through her Christmas things and take some stuff.  I’m not sure why I never thought of this before!  Grampa was fine with it so I spent the afternoon rooting around under the stairs through old boxes of decorations.  Most of it was pretty junky – Gramma didn’t have a lot of money and poor plus bad taste equals a lot of plastic santas.  But there were some special items that I took: some old blown glass hanging ornaments, a lace tablecloth, tin soldier pate spreaders, and the NOEL candle holders.

These holders are a family tradition.  They are four separate items, each a candle holder in the shape of one of the letters, which put together spell “noel.”  These are older than I am.  And every year, some wise guy would swap the letters around to spell “LEON,” which drove my gramma crazy because not only was someone messing with NOEL, but they made it into a Jewish name, which is hardly in keeping with the Christmas spirit.  Or at least not my Catholic gramma’s Christmas spirit.  Of course she was in on the gag – she dutifully rearranged the letters and then wandered out of the living room, providing ample opportunity for LEON to come back.  It’s one of those bizarre rituals that don’t make sense to anyone but us.  Anyway, when I found them, I was quite touched.  Now my dad and I can argue about who gets to keep them.  For now they’re at my place but I have a feeling they’ll be at his pretty soon.

I’m very happy to have some of her things, but the more significant part of the day was being back in her house.  Going through her boxes was wild – I found stacks and stacks of Christmas cards.  She never threw out a one.  I also found boxes filled with nothing but other empty boxes and plastic bags – she was a great recycler, as many folks who lived through the depression were.  Nothing was thrown out if it had even a hint of future use in it.  It was a nice feeling to find those things.  I felt close to her.  But of course it was sad also – instead of being all over the house, her things were stuffed under the stairs in a dark crawlspace with mouse droppings and cobwebs.  Kind of makes sense, I guess, since she’s gone.

Posted in Personal | 1 Comment »

I have been a bad Blogosaurus. Instead of doing the mountains of school work I have, I’ve spent the last two days working on a quilted Christmas tree skirt. When it’s on the floor, Husband and I do the savage Christmas dance on it, complete with stomping and chanting, but apparently the Christmas gods are not appeased by mere dancing – they need blood as well. This is the only explanation I can think of for why I stabbed my finger right through with the sewing machine needle.

I was threading the needle and committed the bone headed error of leaving my foot resting lightly on the presser foot while I did so (non-sewers: this is what makes the machine go). Just as I tucked my finger under the needle to move the thread, my foot tucked down and stab! I sewed myself! I also let out with a major girl scream, because it hurt like hell and scared the bejeesus out of me. Those needles are probably two millimetres thick, and it had gone from the top of my index finger right out the other side! I also tried to leap away from the machine, but because a single foot press moves the needle just down, I was trapped. (Note to self: yanking on trapped, stabbed finger hurts – next time just hold still.)

The worst part came next, when I realized I’d have to hit the presser foot again to bring the needle up – and that’s just a horrifying thought. I did it – and surprisingly it didn’t hurt at all to remove it. Hooray for shock. But oh unholy gods, as I drew my finger away from the machine, I saw that I really did sew myself – my festive gold and green thread was neatly right through my finger from the top and looped to the bobbin thread from the bottom in a single perfect stitch. My machine’s tension was perfect for sewing fingers, if perfect stitches are bloody, because mine sure as hell was.

After braving needle removal, I just couldn’t face picking the stitch out. Luckily Husband was right next to me, summoned away from his poker game by my ungodly shriek. He snipped the thread and pulled it out, and then we got to take a fun trip to the doctor for a tetanus shot!

So now I have a throbbing, aching index finger and a billion pages of essay to type with it. This is what I get for sewing when I should be writing.

Posted in Domesticity, Health | 3 Comments »

I’m doing my yearly appeal for help selecting some good fantasy fiction for my brother.  He is in grade 12, quite smart and can read just about anything.  He likes fantasy, but it’s not something I usually read so I don’t know what’s good.  Can anyone recommend to me some quality fantasy, preferably newer to prevent buying him something he already has?  Rory, I’m looking at you!

I’d also appreciate recommendations for good SF, same reasons.

By the way, last year’s suggestions were all major hits.

Posted in Personal | 5 Comments »

Today’s List of Bad Things:

1. I’m getting sick again.  In the immortal words of Billy Connolly: Jesus suffering fuck!

2. The billing service I use is down, so I can’t submit claims.  Of course the deadline is tonight.

3. That’s it.  But a list of two items just looks kind of wimpy, no?

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

So as you know, I am a moisturizer junkie. I have different moisturizers for my feet, legs, face, general body, hands, cuticles, and, actually I think that’s it. Oh wait, I also use moisturizing soap in the shower. Plus moisturizing shampoo, though I don’t know if that totally counts. And lip balm! (My little secret: Vaseline is better than any of the expensive lip balms, all of which I have tried, plus it’s about one one hundredth the price. Just no SPF, so in daytime use something else.) Okay, if we add that all up I guess I use nine or ten different moisturizers, most every day. But sometimes, like winter, it’s still not enough.

(You’re probably thinking I’m some kind of mutant human-iguana hybrid and that my skin must resemble sand paper to require so much maintenance, but you would be wrong. I actually have lovely, soft, incredibly moist skin, but you better believe this requires constant work.)

Today I was feeling that itch of dry winter skin, and I pretty much lose my mind when that happens. I had to break out the big guns: the Aveeno moisturizing oil bath. It has oatmeal! Which clearly is good for your skin! Because, it’s oatmeal! If you don’t get it you’re stupid!

Anyway, oil bath is a very delicate operation. Too little, and you have wasted precious skin moisture in the hot water without any return. Too much and you end up like I am right now: greased like an Easter ham. Have you ever noticed how impossible it is to get oil off yourself once you have applied too much? If not, I suggest spicing up your sex life and finding out. But first put down some towels because you’re going to leave big greasy smears everywhere, which is what I am doing. I’m like a big pink slug, leaving a shining train of goo behind me. I glisten.

And tomorrow I’ll have to change the bed sheets because they’ll be all saturated with oatmealy oil, but it will be worth it because nothing tastes as good as moist feels.

What?

Posted in Personal | 2 Comments »

Today has been largely taken up with reading for some upcoming papers.  In a stroke of genius, I decided to cover the same topic in two different ways, so I have effectively halved my reading needs without resorting to plagiarism.  I still have to write two papers but just think – I can use the same references pages for both, which is a major bonus as anyone who has had to compile long bibliographies according to the Byzantine rules of style can attest.

I also headed out to the grocery store, where I got the makings of a good vegetable soup, which is now cooking in the slow cooker.  Very standard stuff – peppers, celery, carrots, zucchini, onion, garlic, tomatoes, good stock, and spices.  I’ll add wild rice closer to dinner time and, paired with a few slices of cheese, I’ll have a fabulous dinner.

Now I’m thinking of beginning my Christmas cards.  I know, I know – I don’t believe in that christian stuff.  But I do like the holiday season and get serious joy out of sending cards.  So if you want a christmas card from me, email me your address and, yanno, useful data like name, favourite colour, and favourite vegetable, and you may receive official Blogosaurus christmas greetings!  I swear to keep personal data dead secret.  And, unless I suddenly discover I have more than about twenty friendly strangers (or regular friends whose address I don’t have) wanting to hear from me, you can count on a personalized response.   The usual – blogosaurusvex at gmail dot com.

What else… my hands smell of garlic, but it’s better than pee, so I can’t complain. (Also, let me say here that even though I don’t really like traveling at the best of times, I am now absolutely certain I will never go to France – thanks for the tip, I.)  I have diet root beer in the house.  There’s crime TV on.  It’s three in the afternoon and I’m already in my pyjamas.  Life is good!

Posted in Domesticity, Vegetarianism | No Comments »

I have often complained about how disgusting women are in the toilet. They regularly piss all over the seat, which as far as I’m concerned means they regularly piss down their leg, because to be frank the urethral opening in women is just not positioned well for the standing or squatting whiz. This is why I choose to sit. Not only is it more comfortable, but I never piss down my leg. Or on the seat. But occasionally I sit in someone else’s piss, because sometimes I don’t notice it before I sit down – which is the grossest thing that can to a person in the bathroom. Or so I thought.

Today I went in to a stall and as I was pulling the door closed behind me, I discovered that the handle was wet, on the inside. This can only mean one thing: some degenerate ass hat got piss on their hands and passed up the massive roll of toilet paper for the handle of the door. I hope her crotch rots off.

Posted in Ranting | 4 Comments »

I love hot chocolate – but you know, for the last ten years or so, I have been seduced by the siren charms of prepackaged hot chocolate mix.  You know – add water, stir, enjoy.  I have been drinking this stuff for so long that I think I forgot what real hot chocolate tastes like.  The real stuff?  It’s like home made chicken soup versus Mr Noodles.  There is no substitute for the real thing.  And now that I’ve rediscovered it, I’m not going back.

For those of you who wish to share the joy of real hot chocolate, I hereby write out the recipe I used.  It came from Cheryl Mendelson’s “Home Comforts,” the book that taught me everything I know about keeping house.  I recommend a modification though – Cheryl says mix the dry with the milk cold, but it’s hard to get it smooth that way.  So here is my advice for an easier mix:

Combine in a large mug: 1 heaping teaspoon of good quality cocoa, two heaping teaspoons of sugar, a tiny pinch of salt.

Heat in a pot over medium warm, whisking to prevent scorching: one cup of milk (or enough to fill your mug), the fatter the tastier.

When the milk begins to steam and is getting hot, take a tablespoon of it and add to the dry.  Whisk with a fork.  Add another tablespoon or two, whisking between additions, until the mix is smooth.  Be sure to scrape down to the bottom of the mug and get out all the lumps.

When the milk is just at a boil, pour the rest of it into the mug and mix.  Now add a single drop of vanilla, and, if you like, a little pinch of cinnamon or nutmeg.  I prefer only the vanilla but I will forgive you if you add the spices.

This is absolutely glorious.  Not only does it taste better than anything from a mix, but you can control the sweet and the chocolate.  You could use Splenda instead of sugar, for example.  You also have the pleasure of making it yourself, which takes about ten minutes from start to finish and will leave you feeling that you have earned your treat.

Posted in Cooking | 4 Comments »

Will someone please just move in and take over my life?  I cannot be trusted to run it on my own.  When I am in charge, I eat chocolate mousse plus cocktails.  I am losing no weight.  My motivation sucks, so seriously, someone: help me.  I don’t want to get fat again.

Posted in Health | 3 Comments »