January 21st, 2008
When I am king, the following will be enacted with extreme prejudice:
1. There will be no chewing noises allowed on television. Why must all actors chew like a congested heifer?
2. All bathrooms will have attendants present, whose job it will be to hold the door, ensure that all toilets get flushed, there is no piss on the seats, and the used hand towels make it into the garbage. And automatically flushing toilets will be illegal. Sink water will be activated by foot pedal, and will be a nice cozy warm temperature at all times.
3. All early morning radio deejays will be rounded up and shot. Only somber news reports or music will be allowed before eleven a.m.
4. Commercials on TV will not be permissable during the airing of movies, and during the commercials the volume will go down.