Blogosaurus Vex

June 1st, 2008

Tomorrow morning I have a dentist’s appointment.  I am a leeetle bit nervous because I have a tendency to require all kinds of unpleasant things from dentists.  And I have good teeth!  In my 28 years I have had one cavity that required drilling and two other surface superficial ones not needing any freezing, so you know I brush and floss.  But even though I have good strong teeth and good oral hygiene I have still suffered through:

-12 teeth pulled due to an abnormally small jaw

-minor gum surgery on two separate occasions, one requiring a graft taken from the roof of my mouth (ouch!)

-five years of braces

-three years of head gear (oh the shame!)

-a wisdom teeth operation that had to be done under general anesthetic (because all four were impacted and pointing due west and laying with facial nerves over them) and resulted in me getting a terrible infection followed by dry socket.  And let me just say that after the stabbing, throbbing agony of infection, dry socket is a walk in the park.  About infection, let me say it is a singular joy to have pus leaking from four places in your mouth and the feeling that ripping all your teeth out by hand with pliers would actually improve he situation.   When Husband got his wisdom teeth out, he was eating pizza later that night.  Me?  I was trying to slip a little pudding into my mouth, which could only be opened to exactly the height of a sugar spoon (see above comment about small jaw and imagine how much cranking was required by the surgeon to gain access to those little fuckers in the back).  Horror!  It was a horror show!

So tomorrow I’m sure they will find no cavities but somehow I will need surgery in my mouth.  And I have to say, I feel actually scared.  My one and only panic attack happened at the dentist too.

You know those dental dams?  Well, my childhood dentist was old school and never used them.  So when I got the first one used on me as an adult, I didn’t know what to expect.  It was kind of weird but basically okay, having this funny green thing hooked onto my teeth.  The thing was, one of the teeth they hooked it onto was a tooth requiring cavity work, so that was painful.  That got me started feeling anxious and sweaty, but I tried to stay cool.  I probed around the thing with my tongue, checking it out and telling myself it’s no big deal, as they put goggles on me – the kind you wear in chemistry class, which were to protect my eyes from the sand blaster they use on the cavities (!).  So there I am, a little nervous, kind of tense, sweating, mouth claustrophobically full of rubber… then they turned on the sand.

When I heard the tool start up I went into full sweat mode and WOOSH, my goggles fogged right over.  I instantly switched into panic mode – oh my fuck I’m blind! – and gasped in fear.  But I couldn’t, because my mouth was full of rubber which cannot be breathed through and I couldn’t think to breathe through my nose.  So, blind and sucking for air like a fish, I start flailing my arms around, making pitiful noises, and struggling to get out of the chair.  The dental hygienist, who clearly did not understand just how much distress I was experiencing, just pushed me back down into the chair – this of course intensified the panic, until I was nearly screaming (as much as you can when you can’t breathe), kicking my legs and seriously  having a flip out.  Finally someone stuck a tube with air in behind my dam, I got a breath, and was able to tear off my goggles and sit up.  I promptly burst into tears and got the paper napkin thing you wear all wet with them, feeling totally embarrassed while wiping my snotty nose on my sleeve and trying not to notice how the staff were all looking at me like I’m some major freak.

The procedure continued on in a while, after I’d calmed down, sans dental dam.  I never went back to that dentist.

And tomorrow I meet my new dentist.  I’m so excited I could barf.

What’s your best dentist story?

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