June 3rd, 2008
I just got back from the gym, where my trainer absolutely CRUSHED me. Oh my god. It seems every three or four workouts he really gets his evil on and just grinds me into the dirt. I mean, all the workouts are hard. I leave every one exhausted, and get sore all over every time (with varying degrees of soreness depending on what hapless body part was targeted most) – but today? Today was extra special brutal. I shit you not, my very hands are tired and typing is a chore.
I’m certainly getting my money’s worth!
I love having trainer. The sad truth is that I am a lazy bastard, and without the impetus of a paid appointment, I would never go to the gym. But once I am forced to attend, it’s great. It’s like, as long as I’m already there, I might as well work hard. Although, like all worthwhile things, my progress so far is slow. I just pulled off my t-shirt to show Husband my “pipes” (which is what the cool people call biceps, I gather) and he says they look the same as they did when I started a few weeks ago, but that’s okay. They may not be any larger but they feel firmer to me, and they can do more than they could in early May. This is how I feel in general about my progress. I can do more, and with better stability, than when I started – but so far on the outside I look about the same.
Here is the thing: I would sure like to be able to say just once while I am still young that I think I look great in a bikini. So far this has never happened, because either I was overweight or skinny-unfit, which means small but nonetheless flabby. I know it’s vain and shallow but it’s true: I want to be a bimbo! Or at least look like one. Just for a while. Wouldn’t that be nice? *Wistful sigh*
I wasted so much time in my twenties. I worked stupid jobs, I fucked around in undergrad and didn’t get stellar grades, I ate total garbage food (McDonald’s at least three times a week!), got fat, dated men who weren’t right for me, and drank too much beer. Now I am close to thirty and finally, I am taking care of myself. It’s good but I wish I had done this so much sooner! I really feel like I lost eight years to gluttony and near sighted selfishness, and it makes me angry. I would be so much farther ahead in life if I’d been smarter back then.
My only consolation is that now, finally, I am making progress. But still, I wish I could do it all over.
Over-achieving much?
You can not live a life in which you aren’t allowed to be a slacker sometimes. It isn’t healthy either.
It’s all about those regrets. Right? If you hadn’t done those things when you were younger- surely you would have regretted that later in life. It is all about balance.
Work on being happier in the moment. You can always change things if it doesn’t suit you. That is the great thing about life.
I’m not against slacking… I am sad that I did it for close to a decade. I wasn’t even happy back then! this is the great myth of laziness – that it increases your joy. Alas, it does not.
What, do you think there’s a reward at then end of life for having looked great in a bikini at some point?
The reward in life is in enjoying it, and you did. Granted, now you will enjoy looking good in a bikini, but you also enjoyed eating bad food, drinking beer, and wasting time.
If you’d lived your twenties without any kind of hedonism you’d instead be looking back thinking “Those were my years to party and have fun and I wasted them working out, studying every day and examining every meal I had for traces of animal-related product! How foolish of me!”
Did you totally skip my last comment? Dude… I didn’t enjoy my 2′s! I was neurotic about being fat, tormented with guilt over all the shit I ate, and barfing from the beer. My love life was adventurous but totally sad. I was too broke to do anything. for many people I’m sure that life would have been a blast, but for me it sucked.
“I wasn’t even happy back then! ”
Practically no one is at that age. It is a myth that people are.
The simple fact is most teenagers are depressed, and everyone in their 20′s are still working out what life is going to be like for them.
Look – one of my girlfriends said the following to me. “Stop living with one foot in the past, and one foot in the future”. You will always be dissatisfied.
That’s what your 20s are all about – bad relationships, bad food, bad credit, no direction, and working without a safety net for the first time in your life. Be thankful that you figured it out earlier than most of us did.