My little brother is about to depart for university this fall.  He just finished high school.  And I know this is probably futile, but I would like to try and pass on some wisdom to help him at school.  Wise readers, what do you wish someone had told you before you started university?  Here is what I have compiled already:

Don’t study in groups. The utility of group studying is the biggest myth of university life. Here’s what you imagine group studying is: A friendly, hard working gang helping each other out, sharing insights, enhancing each other’s knowledge and understanding of the material, and improving everyone’s performance on the test.

Here’s what really happens: 10% of time spent actually studying collaboratively, 5% of time spent helping people stupider than you, 2% of time spent being helped by people smarter than you, 3% of time spent discovering things you weren’t even aware were part of the curriculum, and 80% of time spent totally fucking around (this includes flirting, discussing wicked bands, bitching about how stupid professors are, etc.). In summary, group studying bears only the most superficial of resemblances to real studying.

Instead of group study for three hours, you are better off doing independent study for an hour and a half, group study for twenty minutes (to get that 2% of help and 3% of missed material), and then just socialize freely and without guilt afterwards.

Go to class. This may surprise you, but school is easier if you go to class all the time. I know it’s a pain in the ass to show up, but consider these things: One, you already paid for it. If you weren’t going to attend, you could have put that thousand bucks towards beer. Two, it really will help you learn. If the material covered in class is a repeat of the readings, that’s okay - think of this as enforced studying for the final. Take advantage of it. Three, many classes will cover material in class that aren’t part of the readings but nonetheless appear in the test or on the papers. You can’t always tell in advance whether you are in a class of this type, so the safe bet is to attend. Four, at some point you will need letters of reference for something. A job, grad school, a co-op position, a scholarship, who knows. To get these letters, your professors need to know who you are. The only way this happens is if you attend class. The other way is if you’re the guy who never goes to class; I leave it as an exercise to the reader to imagine how good your letter will be in this latter case.

Attend office hours. I know, I know - who wants to go to extra school? Answer: you do! Why? Because, as above, these people are the folks in charge of your letters of reference, grades, and other pulling-strings types of advantages that are hard to quantify but highly useful. Here is the other secret: professors usually love to talk nerdishly about their area, and unless they are in the hard sciences, their office hours tend to be desert wastelands of neglect. Show up, bring a question or two or an intelligent comment, and prepare yourself for a short chat. Show interest and reap rewards later on!

You are not too smart to learn from your books. Many students discover that they can get by without doing much reading. This is fine if you want to be a lazy bastard and learn nothing. But you want to actually get something out of your education, such as some education, so read those damn books. Quit whining about them. Some will be boring, so boring they make you want to die. This is good for you - it builds character. And remember that until you can recite the contents of those boring, stupid texts from memory, you don’t know that shit, so get off your high horse and read.

Never lend anyone anything, ever, no matter what. This includes notes and books most particularly. Your fellow students are a bunch of sticky-fingered, careless, immoral bastards who won’t think twice about running off with your only copy of the entire list of British kings from William the Conquerer on down. Or else they’ll get busy and forget, or they’ll lose your stuff in the trash heap they call a dorm room. Or all of the above.

Someone needs a copy of your notes? Accompany them to the photocopier and never let your notes out of your possession. Someone wants to read chapter three out of the chem book but didn’t buy their own copy? As above: joint trip to the photocopier. Someone wants to borrow your hoodie? Tell them you have scabies. The secret special bonus to this method is you get some extra social time without having to worry about losing your shit. Because your shit is valuable. And no one can be trusted!

Don’t have sex with drunk girls. Remember: a woman who is intoxicated cannot legally consent to sex. It doesn’t matter how much lap dancing she is giving you, or how badly you want it. If she’s not straight and sober, WAIT. Not only will you be the hero gentleman of campus, but you will avoid such nasty things as lawsuits, criminal charges, and a reputation as a predator. I know it will seem sometimes like everyone on earth is getting drunk and laid but you, but remember this: none of those other people will do your time if you get slammed for taking advantage of a drunk girl. And it is always taking advantage if she consents while intoxicated.

The professor is never stupid. Whenever you hear someone say they have a dumb prof, or an unfair prof, your alarm bells should go off. Here is what you know, in general, about people who complain about the prof: they aren’t getting an A (so don’t borrow their notes or study with them), they probably don’t work hard (or they would be meeting the professor’s requirements and therefore having no problems with him/her), they are pissed that they can’t just do whatever they want (which is a major trait in young people hitting university for the first time), and they’re looking for someone to blame.

Some professors are annoying, unfriendly, difficult to work with, and tough to get an A out of. But they are much more educated than you are, and you can learn from them if you think strategically. Put aside your pride and think of the difficult professor as a challenge to overcome. Because even if you are right, and the prof is a total wiener, that wiener is still in charge of your grade. Your job as a student is to get your A in whatever way you can (without cheating!). If that means swallowing your pride and doing a stupid assignment, so be it.

If you find yourself thinking you have a stupid professor, ask yourself these questions: Have I been attending class? Have I been doing all my readings? Did I start my assignments in enough time to get help if I had a problem? Did I turn off my phone and resist the urge to text during class? Have I been resisting the urge to be a lazy bastard and not study? If you have any “no” answers, consider that maybe you are the source of your own troubles.

Be nice to nerds. Today’s socially awkward geek is tomorrow’s multi-millionaire. Besides, these are the folks you want to go to for help or missed notes so it pays to befriend them. Don’t bother getting notes from your drinking buddies - chances are, their notes suck.

Ask for help. From professors, from the writing and math centres, from the counselling centre, from anyone who knows their shit. No man is an island.

Don’t bother looking for the secret to good grades. The formula is simple: Effort = Grades. That’s it.