June 3rd, 2009
The diet continues apace. I am hungry almost all the time but am losing weight and trying to tell myself that somehow suffering is good for me. Certainly it is good for my waistline. Although, who knew this was even possible, my sleep is getting worse. I’m getting about 5-6 hours a night with lots of time spent reading on the couch in the night. This would normally be fine except my concentration isn’t great at 3am and I have to read the same passages over and over to get it.
Anyway, hunger is reinforcing in a way – it’s proof I’m cutting out enough excess caloric matter. So I try to embrace it. I am downing shocking amounts of diet pop as a distraction.
But speaking of food, one thing vegans do well is cool dinners on hot nights. Tonight we’re having grilled pita bread (brushed with a little olive oil then sprinkled with big crunchy salt) with hummus, olives, a salad of cucumber, avocado, tomatoes and greek style dressing, and some smeat soy skewers grilled as accompaniment. Nearly no cooking and very hearty. Last night we had french bread with hummus and bruschetta. I figure as long as I’m starving I might as well not waste precious calories on food that is anything less than great.
Anyway, now that I am dieting and sleep deprived I spend all day long fighting two very strong biological urges. No snacking for obvious reasons. And napping utterly devastates my night’s sleep so it is strictly verboten… but sometimes I just want to cry with frustration over the bizarre logic of disallowing myself to sleep when I know I could get an hour or so in with no trouble at all in the afternoon.
And my oral defense is coming up in a week and a half. Which now that I think about it might be part of the sleeplessness.
So I am not the happiest person these days.