June 16th, 2009
Skepchicks posted today about a disturbing trend where people fake their own suicides online, and how they (or at least the writer) sees it as just a ploy for attention. I think this is a pretty common interpretation and it applies in lots of scenarios, not just when people talk about killing themselves.
I get that pretending to kill yourself is a bad thing to do and can hurt others, but I do not understand the dismissive “it’s just for attention” attitude.
First, why is is bad to seek attention? We all thrive on it. Being placed in solitary confinement is the worse punishment we have (in the absence of torture). Neglect is the worst kind of child abuse. Everyone hates to be ignored. Everyone loves to know others notice and care about them.
I think when people express annoyance this way it has less to do with seeking attention per se and more to do with feeling manipulated. I think it would probably be more accurate to say, “That guy is trying to manipulate me,” in a disgusted tone of voice instead of “That guy just wants attention.”
And when it comes to talk of suicide, I always wonder why no one else seems to wonder, “If he’s pulling so hard for attention, why does he need it?” People don’t do things for no reason. And if you can set aside your irritation at being manipulated, an important problem presents itself: what is motivating this antisocial, unpleasant behaviour? What has gone wrong for this person?
I think it’s cruel and oblivious to just dismiss attention-seekers out of hand simply because they are seeking attention. That’s a bad reason to shut off the sympathy valve. How to deal with the problem is a whole other issue, but my point is that there is a problem. Something has gone haywire and this person, this annoying, manipulative, immature person, needs help.
We shouldn’t reserve our concern only for those people whose pathologies manifest in ways we do not find personally vexatious.
I agree with you, except I didn’t get the same message from the article.
The writer certainly suggests that these people have a desperate need for attention, but I don’t think that point is dismissive. She never says that they don’t need help, or they should just get over it. In fact, in the case of the commenter that faked their death, they hoped that they were getting help in therapy.
Fair enough. Maybe I read too much into it.
Do you think that is the best way to share your thoughts?