September 2nd, 2009
Yesterday I picked up my bride’s maid dress and didn’t bother trying it on in the store because I paid a whack of cash to have it altered and surely they did the job right? Ho ho ho. I put it on last night when the bride to be was over and good lord they fucked it up. The fitting is okay if you discount the fact that it’s been made too small and when it is on I now have what the bride affectionately calls “back ass” – I guess that’s some kind of flesh cleavage created by squeezing. Also they put in these weird breast pads that are not in the right spot. As you know I generally disapprove of padding about the chest but if you’re going to do it, do it well! Everyone knows the padding should sit just under and around the side of the breast to create lift and volume – mine were sewn in place so they lie roughly on top, so the final effect is one of squishing and reducing. Again, I’m cool with leaving the girls their natural size but I do not want them reduced! Us short ladies have to work with what we have.
So I am about to head back to the alteration store to kick up a fuss. It has to be done today so I can pick it up tomorrow because that is my last opportunity before the wedding. Did I mention they were supposed to call me when the dress was altered but never did, which is why I am discovering this mess at the final hour?
This is why being in a wedding party sucks. Back ass, squashed tits, frantic last minute arm waving at hapless sales clerks. I hereby thumb my nose at all weddings.
PS – If I weren’t doing this stupid shit, I could be at the aquarium with my nieces, which would be so fun! I love the aquarium but find it hard to persuade other adults to go with me. Enter a ten and a twelve year old and you magically have social sanction to go coo at fishies. Except there is no cooing for me, dratted dress!