Spicy garlic and cauliflower soup with flat leaf parsley

Roasted tomato, onion, garlic, and artichoke sauce for pasta

A green salad

Chocolate raspberry mousse.  This started as chocolate mousse with a raspberry coulis topping but somehow when I poured the mousse into dessert cups I poured for four, when there will be five eaters.  I tried redistributing the amounts to a fifth cup but it looked messy, and in the process I tasted it and decided it wasn’t chocolately enough.  I scraped it all back into the blender (coulis included) for more cocoa and another round of blending.  I washed the cups and repoured the redone mousse, this time into five cups, and now I am hoping it sets up properly.  No egg whites, of course, so who knows how it will behave?  It may be loose but it tastes good.

So that’s been my day.  I intended to do a lot of reading but didn’t have any time for it between grocery shopping, bathroom and floor cleaning, laundry, dishes, and cooking.  You know, my experience of being a stay at home wife has taught me that it’s not hyperbole when they say properly caring for a home is a full time job.  It really is – and I don’t even have kids!

But anyway dinner is going to kick ass.

To begin, get three nice granny smith apples.  The final product is sweet as hell so don’t go for a sweet apple – the firmness and tartness of this type of apple is perfect.

Core those motherfuckers.  If you don’t have an apple corer, do anything you need to to get the cores out – I advise cutting into quarters along the vertical axis and slicing off the cores at an angle top down, but it doesn’t matter much what you do.

Now you want to slice them.  I like to cut the apples in half and make lots of thin (~3mm) half moon slices, but you can do whatever here.  The main idea is to make the pieces small enough that they will bake through.  No big chunks.

When you are finished, put all the slices into a baking dish that isn’t much bigger than the pile of apples.  I think mine is about 6 by 6 inches square.

Now set them aside.  We’re going to make the mix that goes in with the apples.  Start with 1/2 cup of sugar:

Add 1/2 tablespoon of regular flour:

And then 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon:

Mix the mix together well, then dump in the apple slices and stir gently to combine.  Don’t worry too much about coating each apple because that will happen when they bake.  Just give it a few turns.

And toss it all back into the baking dish, arranging the apples so they are sort of compact and sort of flat on top, but again, don’t go nuts with this.  Just try to make sure there are no huge gaps in the pile.  Pour any remaining sugar mixture over the top.

Now set the dish aside.  We’re going to make the topping.  In a separate bowl mix together 1/2 cup quick cooking oats, 1/2 cup all purpose flour, 1/2 cup packed brown sugar, 1/8 teaspoon baking powder, 1/8 teaspoon baking soda, and 1/2 cup of the solid fat of your choice.  I use Earth Balance Buttery Spread (the best tasting vegan “butter” IMO), but you could use regular butter or margarine.  I’d avoid lard or vegetable shortening because of the taste/lack of taste, respectively.

Mix the topping ingredients together.  I find the best way is to just get in there with your (clean) hands and squeeze and stir it together that way.  Very pleasing tactile experience!  Your hands will love it.  Fuck spoons.

Now before adding the topping, sprinkle 1/4 cup of water over the apples.

And now sprinkle the topping over it all:

Until it’s all covered and looks like this, more or less (I got a little compulsive and patted it all down smooth, but you don’t have to):

The original recipe called for a baking time of about 45 minutes, but that’s for double the recipe.  I let mine cook for about 38 minutes, by which time it was gently browned on top and fragrant and cooked through.  Keep an eye on it and don’t let it get too dark.

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1. Core and slice 3 granny smith apples

2. Mix:

.5 cup white sugar,

.5 tbsp flour, and

.5 teaspoon cinammon, and coat apples with this.

3. In a separate bowl, mix:

.5 cup quick cooking oats, .

5 cup flour,

.5 cup brown sugar,

1/8 tsp baking soda,

1/8 tsp baking powder, and

.25 cup butter or margarine.

4. Pour 1/4 cup water over the apples.

5. Cover top with oat mixture.

6. Bake at 350 for 35-45 minutes (until golden on top).

I am so happy to be back home, where I can have good food again.  I like how I cook and I love the freedom to make anything I please without having to wring my hands over whether this restaurant or that might have a vegan version of miso soup.  It used to be that holidays were the Time Of Great Food Cooked By Others, but now they are the Time of Crappy Salads and No Legumes.   It seems that even places which try to offer a vegan option often fall short of the mark: it’s a salad, or it has no protein, or it’s “health food” and has no salt or flavour. 

The one thing I had that was really great – and which I will try to recreate today – was a lentil soup I ordered at an Indian restaurant.  It was about 6pm and I was in the middle of my only hangover of the holiday, which I earned by commencing the pina coladas at about 10am that morning.  I downed two Gravols and noted that my tender stomach was not in the mood for much but gentle, inoffensive soup.  Enter the lentil soup, which fit the bill exactly.  It was hot, barely thicker than a clear soup, with a gentle flavour that was nonetheless perfect. 

I was so happy to have a soup I could keep down I decided to try and figure out its ingredients for reproduction.  Here is my recipe:

Some fat: I used a teaspoon of Earth Balance margarine, but you could use butter or oil.  Sautee 1/8 teaspoon of coriander (or cumin) and 1/8 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes.  Add:

1 can coconut milk, solids and liquids.

2 cups broth, faux chicken or vegetable, plus half a cup water.

Bring to a boil, then add:

Lentils, 1/4 cup.  Use the red kind that fall apart and become mushy fast.  Cook for about 15 minutes, then use an immersion blender to make the soup smooth.

Cilantro, finely chopped and sprinkled over the top at the end.

Lemon wedges served on the side for squeezing.

This would be great served with steamed jasmine rice and a light salad containing chickpeas as a great summer dinner.  It’s not a bold soup, but rather has a certain delicacy that I just love.

On the plus side my apartment is sparkling.  On the down side I wish I were dead.

I decided not to make a lot of fussy, difficult dishes (which is what traditionally happens at showers), opting instead for a series of trays of fruits and veggies and grilled pitas/crackers, paired with a series of dips and spreads and salsas.  Mix and match – who doesn’t love that?  I did cave and agree to make those stupid tea sandwiches with the crusts cut off, none of which I will be able to eat because they are all full of gross meat and or dairy.  I can barely bring myself to confess to you the stereotype hell that my sandwiches will represent: salmon salad, egg salad, and cucumber.  Could it be any more grandmother?  I am hoping the chips, guacamole and salsa will offset.  Also I bought some pepperoni as a token meat, if it is indeed meat, which is by no means clear.

And I really did lay in a lot of liquor.  It’s going to be mostly middle aged or better relatives so in hindsight I probably bought way too much, but here is what I got:

Beer (Corona, Rickards Red, and Keiths)

Gin (and tonic water)

Rye (I always have this on hand as I love it over ice, but I also got ginger ale)

Tequila and Cointreau (for margaritas, made traditionally with just booze and fresh squeezed lime juice over ice)

Champagne (my aunt is supplying this)

Plus, in the house we also have port, scotch, and vodka.  Anyone who mentions the lack of goofy, girly shower foods is going to find themselves holding a very strong drink.  That’ll show ‘em.

They have uneven edges because I am pretty bad at peeling them off the press, but you get the idea:

Last night I made steamed flour tortillas dipped in a seared tomato and jalapeno sauce, wrapped around some long simmered pinto beans, then covered in more sauce, chopped white onion, pickled jalapeno slivers and cilantro sprigs – Husband declared it “a knockout meal.”  I agree!

Also, as part of a quick hash I made for lunch yesterday (hash is what I call any stewy dish with a tomato base plus whatever veggies I have kicking around), I used some corn on the cob.  I boiled it briefly and then cut it off the cob (tip: cutting raw corn off the cob results in a horrific spray of corn milk everywhere, but if it’s been boiled a few minutes first this doesn’t happen), tossed it in the hash, and discovered – shock! – that fresh corn off the cob is vastly superior to the frozen stuff I’ve been using for years.  It was sweet and firm/bursty.  I am officially crossing frozen corn off my “okay to use” list whenever real corn is in season.

And, annoyance: I went to the fancy upscale grocery store downtown (Urban Fare) in search of vegan cheese, and while they had a few soy cheeses, all of them contain casein.  Casein is a dairy protein and comes from cows, making soy cheese ethically/dietary-restrictionally equivalent to regular cheese.  Except it tastes much worse and doesn’t melt.  If you’re going to eat soy cheese with casein you might as well just eat the good (real) stuff.  I don’t even know why they make that stupid soy-casein stuff.  Anyway, there is a good brand of vegan cheese (it even melts!) called Follow Your Heart, but Urban Fare doesn’t carry it.  Fuck!

And I have a question.  Some friends and I were discussing this the other night what the benefit of spreading information about Iran’s current crisis is.  One point I thought was very good is that, in general, more information in a crisis is better than less, and on those grounds it’s good that Iran is being Twittered and FaceBooked and blogged about.  Another point I thought was very good is that, so what if it’s popularly known, or that the advent of internet communication means we get this information without having to wait for the 6 o’clock news, what the fuck is anyone doing about it?  Merely spreading information is erroneously conflated with helpful action, in other words.

I agree with both points.  I have often thought that internet chatter gives only a false illusion of participation and dissipates real social energy that might otherwise be spent doing something like… I don’t know, but something more effective than Twittering about it.  But there are probably things I haven’t thought of on this issue, so I wonder what you think.  Is social media helping Iran?  Does spreading information help people, or prompt people to act in such a way that others are truly helped?  Or does it just makes us feel better, feel like we’re participating when really we’re just sitting on our duffs in our comfortable living rooms and offices not doing a fucking thing for Iranians?  (Or Sudanese or etc etc.)

I will be honest, I haven’t done anything for Iran.  I don’t count this blog post as “doing anything” as I truly cannot imagine how this will affect the life of a single Iranian person, for better or worse, in anything more than a hypothetical manner.

(Answer: I ate it last night, but only because I didn’t really have much dinner.  I tried making seitan – wheat meat – and it was so wretched it put me off my feed.  Aside: I cannot eat oatmeal, dumplings, rice pudding, or anything of related texture.  It literally makes me gag and if forced to swallow it, I will barf.  The seitan I made was exactly the wrong texture and after spitting out my mouthful I couldn’t stand the thought of eating for the next four or so hours, which coincided with when the bars were finished cooling as it turned out.  So I ate one and it was great.)

I have a number of what my weight can be before it hits the fatpocalypse – the point when I am well and truly gaining weight and need to reign it in.  Last month, month one back on the pill after fivish months off, I shot up six pounds.  Which is quite a lot on five foot two-and-a-half.  The fatpocalypse is 125lbs – I hit 127.  Crisis!

In and of itself it’s not such a bad weight, but when I start gaining I get really scared that I’ll get fat again.  At my heaviest I was about 158lbs, and fucking hated it.  I looked terrible and felt worse.  And it took me a really long time to lose the weight.  Years actually.  I am not the best dieter and I never did a crash diet or anything like that, so it was a gradual process of eating less, eating better, and getting more exercise.  My lightest weight since that time is 121lbs, but I hover pretty easily around 123.  Which is just fine by me.  I am not in great shape and I will never be a bikini model, but as long as I’m not fat, I’m happy.

But I sure do love to eat and I am lazy as the day is long, so I can gain weight without much effort.  Which is why I have to keep my eye on it all the time.  And mind the fatpocalypse, because I couldn’t bear the horribleness of having to lose more than about five or ten pounds at one time.  It’s just too effin’ hard – the thought fills me with despair.

And really, apologies to the body lovers and tolerance people, I think I look like shit when I’m fat.  I was never able to successfully tell myself that my weight didn’t matter, I could be sexy no matter what, people will love me for my sparking personality… truly, I just thought I was a hideous blob with a gut.  And actually I think that was probably a pretty reasonable response.  I am not in support of trying to lie to yourself, which is plainly what is going on when overweight women wax rhapsodic about how they love their fat bodies.  I’m sure a certain percentage are being honest but I think most are just trying really hard and failing.  It’s sad and I know it, I was there.  I don’t want to go back.  So, I diet.  And haggle with myself over fruit bars.

1. HOLY FLAPJACK JOY my favourite band in the entire world Clutch is coming to Vancouver next month (Commodore Ballroom) and you better believe I already bought my ticket.  I squee with fantabulous delight!  So far I’m going alone so if you’re going, let me know and assuming you are not a creepy internet stalker (eg, I know you) we can go together.  I will try not to pee on your shoes with excitement, but no promises.

2. I survived another trip to the dentist today.  I have bizarrely sensitive teeth and some of the tools just make me want to kill myself when they’re applied to the delicate nerve-ending-rich surface of my pearly whites.  I always dread my cleanings.

3. Oh!  This reminds me of when I got my wisdom teeth pulled – all four had to go because I have an abnormally small mouth (I swear!) and they were all pointing due west, impacted, etc.  I ended up with all four sockets infected after surgery, which was the worst pain of my life.  I couldn’t sleep much through it despite the pain meds, and when I would doze, I would dream of a cement mixer grinding up my teeth.  And wake up crying.  Finally the infection got treated and cleared up, and then I got dry socket in two places.  And I am here to tell you that dry socket is fucking child’s play compared to an infection.  Having had both in rapid succession I can say with authority that I would take fifty dry sockets over a single infected one.

Just in case you wanted to know my opinion of dry socket vs. infection at the site of a former molar.

4.  I baked raspberry oatmeal squares tonight and they turned out beautifully.  Tender, moist, with a hint of crispness in the crust, sweet but not too sweet, flaky… I could go on but it’s getting obscene.  Next time I make them I’ll take pictures and post the method here because they are so simple and so good!

Anyway, hunger is reinforcing in a way – it’s proof I’m cutting out enough excess caloric matter.  So I try to embrace it.  I am downing shocking amounts of diet pop as a distraction.

But speaking of food, one thing vegans do well is cool dinners on hot nights.  Tonight we’re having grilled pita bread (brushed with a little olive oil then sprinkled with big crunchy salt) with hummus, olives, a salad of cucumber, avocado, tomatoes and greek style dressing, and some smeat soy skewers grilled as accompaniment.  Nearly no cooking and very hearty.   Last night we had french bread with hummus and bruschetta.  I figure as long as I’m starving I might as well not waste precious calories on food that is anything less than great.

Anyway, now that I am dieting and sleep deprived I spend all day long fighting two very strong biological urges.  No snacking for obvious reasons.  And napping utterly devastates my night’s sleep so it is strictly verboten… but sometimes I just want to cry with frustration over the bizarre logic of disallowing myself to sleep when I know I could get an hour or so in with no trouble at all in the afternoon.

And my oral defense is coming up in a week and a half.  Which now that I think about it might be part of the sleeplessness.

So I am not the happiest person these days.